A Dogs Last Will & Testament

see more pet related…..

update: whats been offered… or has it?

offering to take me in is kind BUT loosing all my treasures and stuff n home will kill me also, i just wanna be alone in peace now for me final days.

always told you you were covered and would get house… BUT u didn't offer to pay taxes you just stated they need to be paid now, right after i was starting to pay you.

as for space n visits, (name) there is no place to play, no place to be confortable, i dont have ppls in past yrs and bed most of time.

depression dont help.

i just know when ecomoney bounces back you can make out damn well, not even fixing it up just turning it over BUT i want stuff to go to certain people and i'm trying to set it up and all crumbles… nobody can stand my piss n moaning nowdays so i drive em all off.. then had ones who stole from me didn't help…

then go thru more crap with the family across the street was another reason i'm done.

given up almost (name).

as i said the FACTS are it wont be long as bodys getting way to thin to live off of and the will to die dont help once i've given up.

i dont get out past 3 yrs except to buy food or mail pkgs mostly, yes cpl yard sales with helper a few times to get out in fresh air and walk some.

i do still try to garden but hard.

as i said (name) been here 29 yrs and you know all thee struggles, nobody should have to go thru this… nobody not even a dog! they have more rights than i do seems.

now as for friends yrs back you decided you didn't want my emails cause i dont spell n write jibbrish… well least we had more contact… and thru past yrs how many times did you say you was gonna visit n never did.. then to outta the blue ream me out like you did threw me into a tizzy! Blood pressure was sky high when i went to drs, and hep levels off the chart.. again he tells me he could give me a few more years IF i'd start treatment.. NO i said I want outta here asap.

then searching end of life found Calif allows the Right to Die w/dignity that i can choose when time come IF i'm gonna be homeless or loose everything.

right now i dont have a clue as to whats next, all i know im searching my last days options, as there is no one who helps or cares so i do what any desporate person will do to merely survive what little time i do have left naturally or what i can do to get outta this stress n misery. 

right now all i see is being forclosed on or sue'd and thats the end for me cause my time here will be over n done with. still being here and trying to sell some treasures and garden while i can is all i have left. now if you wanna call that life.. so be it.

not like any good times have happened in yrs.

no of you even know what it is to be without family or anyone who can care or support.. so there no support system to even care to go onto.

can't you guys all understand that? my gosh…..

ok i need to take a pain pill n go back to bed, my helpers has dental n wont be here till afternoon later..

sucks having to rely on a stranger of sorts… days i could still drive but 4 yrs now no vehicle so thats out.

oh well give me some feedback but do NOT start to put me down and tell me how i always make such stupid decesions and crap… survival means doin what i see fit to help the cause, none has worked out to long, but perhaps served its purpose at the time.

ive come to the conclusion i was born to be alone n die alone, Lord must have something mighty speacial for me to have such life long battles, never have i come accross anyone who this went on ALL thru life, and i'm cariing, compasionate person and have always treated all around better than good.. and none ever stay long, too many problem and my mouth… so thats way i'm goin out..

no answers yet…give me imput, but now i dont even trust you after the panic call. sorry. you have no clue what that did to me (name).

and now how i'm suffering.

weigh'd this am 80#s and i dont care to even eat thinking it will hury it all up.

never meant for any to happen but was all outta my control.

as i said i can pay a cpl hundred but not taxes also.. 

crying now and i need to lay back down.

hope it all passes soon

Facts….

Fact is i started paying upon her request..

then she started on bout taxes having to be paid..

Fact is I can't pay both.

Fact, she can foreclose or force sale, n wont get near the money she can if she'd just let me pay out what short time i have left… but 2 yrs state will take for taxes. FACT

Fact at 83#s n no will now to even continue to struggle or live, my body wont substain me much longer, i'm at kids weight. This is NOT life of any sorts

Fact to have to lay in bed days upon end n to have this on my mind 24/7 is stressed me to max, can't deal with it.

shouldn't have to is more like it. should be allowed my last days/yrs in peace.

Fact is "I give up".. chips will fall where they will, can't afford 300 hr for an atty. so thats it.

FACT The end is so near, hopefully i will find PEACE then!
and …

FACT: Business is Business, life is life, i've been proven that BUSINESS is far more important than LIFE!

Thnx to ALL….

Thnx to ALL…

well to wake up after such battle and be given no choices, well what is left? been here 29 yrs, and now to the point i spend lots days in bed., heps bout to take tole, 3 yrs over estimated time of liver shut down, can smell it, n no body fat to live on so MUST face facts? ….
can't pay taxes and payments she demands. no future to even look forward to, and i sure don't wanna be in a "home"… i so choose to go before that even happens.

my sprit to fight is so crushed and the stress alone will do me in prob.
sad, home can't even be sold due to back taxes has to be paid. if was then i could do the life estate till i pass could live in home.

don't even have a clue now so i just give up, waiting to see atty and tell me how long this will all take.
best i can do in such small isolated desert community with such few resources and no transportation. Please understand

its all up the the Man UPSTAIRS now, i give up

RIGHT TO DIE --MORAL AND ETHICAL ASPECTS--

  Because VDD is a legal and honorable end-of-life option,
we do not need to keep secret our chosen pathway towards death. 
We should tell everyone who cares about us
that we are now proceeding with our plans for death by dehydration. 
There will be a variety of responses from the people who know us.
And we will consider reasonable requests to postpone our deaths.
But if we are making wise end-of-life plans,
most reasonable people will be supportive. 

http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/CY-VDD-SG.html

Right to die with dignity act

searching Calif laws on this… maybe just whats needed

Voluntary death by dehydration is an option that can be used by anyone, anywhere.
Because it will take a week or ten days to die,
this method of choosing death is not likely to be used to commit irrational suicide.
But in those cases where there might be some question
about the wisdom of dying now rather than waiting for death at some later time,
some simple safeguards can help everyone to know
that this was a truly voluntary death and not an irrational suicide.
Another way to make this point:
Wise safeguards will prevent premature death.

end of Life, DOOMED

well figured  since i'm 3 yrs into "borrowed time" already (from liver shitting down from the hep c 32-35 yrs from contact to failure..i'm 38 n yes very ill at times)

that i was now able to start paying for home again and could finally rest in peace i feel i so deserve.

not gonna happen!

Can't pay taxes and the home so either way i'm DOOMED! the stress alone will prob do me in. after 29 yrs of battles and loosing it thru no fault of mine, 3 times and fighting with my all to stay.. and now to have the rug pulled out from under me once again and this time dont have any clue as to what to do. 

state wants taxes, lender wants out… i have NO protection, and alone and i'll don't help.

knew i was worse when state increased my help hrs from 20 to 44! and i've sign up with hospice when ihss can't care.. so all i know to do i've done.

now have to take the tax money being saved to pay an atty for advice. have to see if i can pospone being put out, hoping the stress or Hep will take me first? or ??? shakin head.

can't handle any more. has to be the end..

just wanted to pass in peace what short time i have left, didn't feel that was too much to ask… but guess found out it is.

i'm devistated once again, how much more i ask?

PLEASE FATHER, take me HOME.
YOU always made a WAY where there was NONE in the past, again? or HOME?

Hard time sleeping...

got up to take pills n bk to bed..
BUT it will take 2 yrs for them to take house for taxes so i might as well pay dar the 200 a month so she will let me rest in peace?.. but didn't like the way she came down on me and that scares me that she will put me in street… so thats whay what money i just saved for taxes or her has to go to an atty now to see whats best for me.
its survival time…

i'm bout to give up, wasn't spose to be this way…
and no support system to even discuss stuff so whats left, nothing as i see it, no car to get to legal services none up here..
too many problems along with personal aches n pains n depression n trying to sell what ever i can to make everyone happy! shakin head.

the stress is taking it's tole...

went to drs today and very high blood pressure.. told him im having some problems… dont need this esp now as running outta body mass to live on seems…

now i always tried to make sure she was covered, i paid over 30k+ interest with no problem and NEVER one day late… then all the cuts and losses i had no way as my disability wasn't enough, so i gave her the IOU and said file papers i'd sign… never happened… ask for time to regroup.

she left me alone few yrs as agreed, but refused to have email contact since i dont spell, so we lost touch in many ways..

then she ask me to start paying 200 a month.. well i had to buy firewood still, then pay to have to roof patched and told her this… ok then i do pay in march and she starts about taxes behind… well thought she might of paid to protect her.. and i said i can't pay her n taxes, i talked to them but have to pay 6 months + the penalities first then again n so forth so didn't know what to do.. go see gal at social services for advice…

and was told i need an atty for one… well shocked over the news and the taxes, this stress has had me down more than i care to be esp when i'm trying to liquidate all i can to catch everyone up, but not all has to blow up when she calls demanding and way she spoke to me was degrading.. she has always put me down but this time crossed the line when im doin best i can to even survive and knowing she will always get her money, but seems now is the time, when so stupid markets lowest ever been and it wont bring much.. and neds major work also..

so fig house wasnt important just her final money, reason id will'd to G that time, now thats over and i have to take the tax money i'm saving and pay for an attorney and how to set it up so im covered and she gets her money or whatever.. but sounds like she wants out now so i have to see what i can do.

all i know. been her 29 years, never thought it would end this way, she no better now than tahtcher she saved me from way i see it. i thought she was a friend, but not even caring its my last yrs seems, just bout the money… 

oh well way of the world.

well will find out hopefully next week.

shakin head.

an Irish Prayer…… Happy St Pats...

My Wish list

HOME SECURED once again!

Dog to vet (cost more here than does a human)

taxes currant …

~

… a better updated cell (mines 4-5+ yrs old) hate phones anyways but mandatory today

maybe newer digital camera 

not that important now, (too much other crap to capture instead the nature I love so.

my next stay laid up, i want to be more set up to enjoy least something…

PEACE to enjoy things again….

I tried so hard to make it alright...

to make sure she was covered, she was a real life saver when i needed it. for that I can never repay enough.....

ask her several times re-do papers, add more to cover cost and i'll sign, never happened... even owed 2400+ and gave her an IOU notarized w/witnesses to let me have a few years to breathe as State went broke and cut most all programs and our money.. zoo did only think i knew that could help us both.

she accepted and even help'd many times as needed.. 

time ran out end of 2012, jan she wanted me pay 1/2... 200, i agreed and said be a bit as i'm still having to buy firewood n dog needs vet... well both are expensive..

so feb i said i'll send asap.. march 4 i sent 100, and march 8 100, she accepted and far as i knew all was fine, dog still needs vet BUT she was satisfied and I felt GOOD i'm now able to pay least 1/2! I was so happy...

wrote all about a great break-thru and how it was so great i could FINALLY have my last days in peace long as i can make payments on back taxes and pay her some then i was on my way back up once again for the final bout...

well, lasted less than a week..

3/11/ call, demands.. rude, i was in shock n in disbelief what i was hearing.. how I was gonna sign the house over to her and she was gonna come and clear a room and bring someone to trash stuff and get a heater installed and on n on n get it fixed to sell cause shes loosing money...

well she got paid 400 a month for 9 yrs straight, all interest and NEVER ever one day late!! I',m SOO proud of that! then tuff times and stuff.. and here were went again so i gave her the 20k IOU, offfered to sign new papers and all .. whatever...

NOW LOOK i maybe homeless.... I'm a basket case right now.

i can't afford a RE Atty.. and none here small town, long ways away and ill and shakin head... timing is good tho as it all needs to be handled so i can have what little time i have left to go in peace, and garden and do photos and be the artisan i was born to be.

AMeN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I wouldn't trade experiences for a million bucks... but I wouldn't give you a nickel for anoither minute of it"

i MUST have a small taste of enjoyment right... dont i at least deserve that?

Why I went hard money loans... SURVIVAL!

more bits n pcs

divorced… he didn't pay as ordered and i lost… 

went to HUD got aproved and had 3 yr grace…

then couldn't finance, so they sold out to a bank in fla pennies on dollar… well they forclosed on me for 117k

thats when the crooked RE guy who helped us do original paper work got involved…

(saga/drama/soap)he bought out for 57k.. long story

so i pay HIM 400 per month and one day my house gets posted but long story between here 

he didn't pay a dime he borrowed or set me up

had to get an atty in town, and thats when crook #2/3/4/? steps in..

.. Thatcher (local crook) took it over

400 mo interest 3 yrs..

OK i chose that cause WHERE could i live or rent for 400?? and ive fought for this place since loss in divorce, because he didn't pay a dime the judge awarded me + the home so 400 was just great for me and tuff to make at same time..

then before it up since PRIME property he wanted bad to point of drooling…

well the Lord put Darleen back into my life and one visit and stories.. before she left she offered.. jumping ahead.. big problems that day at bank also.. cops had to be called. (drama/soap)

then 400 a month was still ok and for 7 straight yrs never a day late ( I TAKE PRIDE IN THAT) given my losses due to men n divorces.. and other crap

so i'm dying and who hell cares whats against it… gave me peace and thats all i care

mid 90's had to empty home due to court order and moving bk in i had heart attack, (STRESS) im fine! but got atty and got disibility for post traumatic stress n trauma as well as health… now thats all a mess… cuts, changes, nobody knows anything any more..

also mid to late 90s was a victim of a violent crime.. lost 6 months there and that was AFTER i was on SSI….

told ya i need to write a book... but can't spell and to hurried to get it down w/o loosing thoughts...

Here's the "jest" of it....

Here's the "jest" of it all

she had money in stock market, 02 went bad and she was loosing.. so came visited and after knowing my old hard money loan was bout up.. she said she would do it if i paid her the 400 a month.
so she set up papers and I signed, 7% on 60k

shes 1st trust deed lender
60k stay'd intact and i paid 400 month interest only,
9 yrs straight never one day late...

then ending '09 things went bad and programs was cut and credit dried up SO I gave her a notarized IOU for 20k and stated redo loan papers and add it so if i croaked she'd be covered... (i'm ill n ssi, borrowed time) time to regroup as i was i'll on top of all the cuts and losses. Calif went broke.  well she never did papers,  but left me alone for almost 3 yrs... then jan she wanted me to start paying on the loan... and would take 200

I said ok but buying firewood (have no heat) i couldn't yet, and dog needs a vet.

so feb i tell her ok and i will march
well i sent her 100 on 4th and 100 on 8th

she accepted...
then 1 week later 3-11 she calls and right outa blue starts demanding stuff like i have to sign home over to her and shes bringing someone up to clear n throw out as she demanded a room to stay in while works being done to sell it... now i ask bout me? she said if i have to i'll bring you home but im getting that house fixed up and will come up weekend..
I bout croaked right then n there.. SHOCK'd UNEXPECTED...

later i emailed saying no dont come, i need to seek legal help... and wrote a mutual friend to tell her not to come and yes id starting paying and this was such a shock!

now have someone looking into it and join to social services tomorrow for legal advice, but i am gonna need an atty
what a mess.. 

well more CRAP just when things got better..

well chit.. lady wants me sign house over to her, says will lease bk to me but i don't trust her… also demanded i clear a room so she can come n get heater installed and house fixed for sale… CHIT CHIT CHIT, peace sure didn't last long ... see told you long ago im cursed… just when i started paying her again im so upset

Legal advice needed, rights for low income/disabled?

Legal advice needed? ok need legal advice for calif? Im low income disabled, medical and own a home, which is financed private party.she just called and wants me to sign it over to her and make a room for her to come weekends so she can get a heater installed and stuff fixed, guess to sell it. been here 29 years... now what will i do? be in street? and shes bossing me? just when id gotten back up and on my way here i go again, can't win for losing.

Survival with a new attitude!

I see the "LIGHT" once again, a new phaze has started… Was able to find 2 decent people (again) to help, this time a whole different attitude and list of priorities!
Feels so good. Sales been worst since open over yr ago, BUT turns out i needed dslow time to deal with all thats happened last phaze and now to this. 

Had to finally give up and throw in the towel and accept whats put before me presently. Now turning out I can get some stuff outta here, and bless others at same time they helping me. some bartered, some pay … some free whatever, I just know it has all changed drastically so fast!
Been able to pay for needed help, roofs starting to get patched, stuff repaired, stuff outta house again… and priorities once again back to whats most important for my hopefully final stage of survival.

Never was good at delegating authority, rather do it myself, many can relate. well that held me back long enough, i needed to let go and let others do what i'm not able or just to take that burdon off me… sure doing better (esp mentally) last few days since this all came about!. unreal. attitude adjustment and what a pleasent shock. like i'm waking back up for the final phaze of peace and blessing others once again.
even pleased i was able to start paying some to a dear friend/lender who saved my home years back…

Day at a time, its a big start for me once again, but if all works out i can have more my home back to what needs be to for present activities..
get the shed roofed and get boxes outta garden room, sell whats my best stuff, give what they want, and trash rest that way i can have my garden room back, i can have room for my tools n crafts out there and then get my wherehouse more organized for all these sales.

Thinking a deal with the "Genius" to partner on others items needs to be sold, and let me do etsy, gardening n whatever. so theres where i learn to become a boss not a desporate person in need like i become.. NO MORE and those who know me KNOW once my brain kicks in the positive drive and creativity has no limits, I've achived the impossible many times and i WILL once again and perhaps just perhaps buy me some peace before times up.
Thnx ALL
lots more n updates coming, the good as well as the bad..

this "eccentric, eclectic, desert pack rats" gonna do her best once again to have peace and get this all flowing once again since i've been given a new attitude on life and whats most important on what times left. True meaning of "Let go and LET God"… well i do believe and i was messing it all up from my overloaded brain. lol
time will tell but here we go again, hope its my final journey….

had to hit rock bottom, now upwards once again, refreshed, new life, creative juices starting to flow once again, all different mind set... now need my health to improve from the 84#s i now weigh...

March BREAKTHRU...

well it got bad as you all know… and havent been doing well at all lately, so I now have found help, and by trading my pathfinder for labor I now hope to be able to get the leaks fixed, and some things fixed again, and see what happens.

clearing out some stuff agin, slowly and depends how i'm feeling, and today I got rid of 2 printers and and misc stuff, little by.

so glad Springs bout here cause i NEED get out in yard n garden! I NEED that healing from the son and nature, already have stuff started indoors to go out, and now I have my assistant and a guy working all misc jobs, so far so good and its been over week, he comes now n then cpl 2-4 hrs and cuts scrap wood, moves stuff for me, just misc needs and hes smart like me "Jack of all trades and he knows Puters n selling.. so may work out a deal together on stuff i can't sell on etsy.. say he could list and sell and id split… sounds fair to me…

then long as i have sales, i'm trying to get stuff done so not so much stress. 

Taxes still over my head, i got so stress this last time i'm now 80#s.. sucks.. but i'd bout given up and LOOK now.. had to hit bottom and also timing seems good for a NEW start and maybe this is a GIFT i'd been waiting for! I have paid it foward many times over thru life to point i felt cursed, maybe this will be my glory!

Day by Day ok.. wish i had a granny to cook for me lol, 

feeling pretty good all way round since yesterday, and think so much different now, + Can get stuff outta here now and he can sell misc now and then as turns up for labor, and working off truck so maybe … time will tell, as none ever worked out so far, but i am on borrowed time here and just perhaps i'm gonna have a good spree for a bit before the end..sell my vintage and dolls and collectables on etsy, rest can be used to barter, sell or ?

so who knows.

Just wanted to let you all know that I AM gonna give it all i got (aint much) but its a start again. Yes I do believe it maybe my gift from the LORD .. since i finally let it all go.

HE can know bless us all.

I sure have a change of attitude also and feels good to also be able to pay back and also bless others big time this last time around. 

cont' later

Firewood SCAMMERS

also he's scamming county HEAP program! charging them $350 a cord for AVACADO (sells here $175).. THEN when he delivered THIS is what i got!

that pallets laid out for a cord wood stacked!

4x4x8

then he dumps on drive and we have words he ask "why i even care its FREE!"

also said why stack your just gonna burn it.. i stated i need that drive for my lady who helps me… GRRR!

THEN i pay a guy $20 bucks to stack.. LOOK not even 1/2 cord looks like to me..

PUBLIC N COUNTY needs to KNOW this!!!!! HEAP is loosing also

When it's okay to pee in your pants ~

Click: 

 When it's okay to pee in your pants ~

When it's ok to pee your pants...