an Irish Prayer…… Happy St Pats...

My Wish list

HOME SECURED once again!

Dog to vet (cost more here than does a human)

taxes currant …

~

… a better updated cell (mines 4-5+ yrs old) hate phones anyways but mandatory today

maybe newer digital camera 

not that important now, (too much other crap to capture instead the nature I love so.

my next stay laid up, i want to be more set up to enjoy least something…

PEACE to enjoy things again….

I tried so hard to make it alright...

to make sure she was covered, she was a real life saver when i needed it. for that I can never repay enough.....

ask her several times re-do papers, add more to cover cost and i'll sign, never happened... even owed 2400+ and gave her an IOU notarized w/witnesses to let me have a few years to breathe as State went broke and cut most all programs and our money.. zoo did only think i knew that could help us both.

she accepted and even help'd many times as needed.. 

time ran out end of 2012, jan she wanted me pay 1/2... 200, i agreed and said be a bit as i'm still having to buy firewood n dog needs vet... well both are expensive..

so feb i said i'll send asap.. march 4 i sent 100, and march 8 100, she accepted and far as i knew all was fine, dog still needs vet BUT she was satisfied and I felt GOOD i'm now able to pay least 1/2! I was so happy...

wrote all about a great break-thru and how it was so great i could FINALLY have my last days in peace long as i can make payments on back taxes and pay her some then i was on my way back up once again for the final bout...

well, lasted less than a week..

3/11/ call, demands.. rude, i was in shock n in disbelief what i was hearing.. how I was gonna sign the house over to her and she was gonna come and clear a room and bring someone to trash stuff and get a heater installed and on n on n get it fixed to sell cause shes loosing money...

well she got paid 400 a month for 9 yrs straight, all interest and NEVER ever one day late!! I',m SOO proud of that! then tuff times and stuff.. and here were went again so i gave her the 20k IOU, offfered to sign new papers and all .. whatever...

NOW LOOK i maybe homeless.... I'm a basket case right now.

i can't afford a RE Atty.. and none here small town, long ways away and ill and shakin head... timing is good tho as it all needs to be handled so i can have what little time i have left to go in peace, and garden and do photos and be the artisan i was born to be.

AMeN

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"I wouldn't trade experiences for a million bucks... but I wouldn't give you a nickel for anoither minute of it"

i MUST have a small taste of enjoyment right... dont i at least deserve that?

Why I went hard money loans... SURVIVAL!

more bits n pcs

divorced… he didn't pay as ordered and i lost… 

went to HUD got aproved and had 3 yr grace…

then couldn't finance, so they sold out to a bank in fla pennies on dollar… well they forclosed on me for 117k

thats when the crooked RE guy who helped us do original paper work got involved…

(saga/drama/soap)he bought out for 57k.. long story

so i pay HIM 400 per month and one day my house gets posted but long story between here 

he didn't pay a dime he borrowed or set me up

had to get an atty in town, and thats when crook #2/3/4/? steps in..

.. Thatcher (local crook) took it over

400 mo interest 3 yrs..

OK i chose that cause WHERE could i live or rent for 400?? and ive fought for this place since loss in divorce, because he didn't pay a dime the judge awarded me + the home so 400 was just great for me and tuff to make at same time..

then before it up since PRIME property he wanted bad to point of drooling…

well the Lord put Darleen back into my life and one visit and stories.. before she left she offered.. jumping ahead.. big problems that day at bank also.. cops had to be called. (drama/soap)

then 400 a month was still ok and for 7 straight yrs never a day late ( I TAKE PRIDE IN THAT) given my losses due to men n divorces.. and other crap

so i'm dying and who hell cares whats against it… gave me peace and thats all i care

mid 90's had to empty home due to court order and moving bk in i had heart attack, (STRESS) im fine! but got atty and got disibility for post traumatic stress n trauma as well as health… now thats all a mess… cuts, changes, nobody knows anything any more..

also mid to late 90s was a victim of a violent crime.. lost 6 months there and that was AFTER i was on SSI….

told ya i need to write a book... but can't spell and to hurried to get it down w/o loosing thoughts...

Here's the "jest" of it....

Here's the "jest" of it all

she had money in stock market, 02 went bad and she was loosing.. so came visited and after knowing my old hard money loan was bout up.. she said she would do it if i paid her the 400 a month.
so she set up papers and I signed, 7% on 60k

shes 1st trust deed lender
60k stay'd intact and i paid 400 month interest only,
9 yrs straight never one day late...

then ending '09 things went bad and programs was cut and credit dried up SO I gave her a notarized IOU for 20k and stated redo loan papers and add it so if i croaked she'd be covered... (i'm ill n ssi, borrowed time) time to regroup as i was i'll on top of all the cuts and losses. Calif went broke.  well she never did papers,  but left me alone for almost 3 yrs... then jan she wanted me to start paying on the loan... and would take 200

I said ok but buying firewood (have no heat) i couldn't yet, and dog needs a vet.

so feb i tell her ok and i will march
well i sent her 100 on 4th and 100 on 8th

she accepted...
then 1 week later 3-11 she calls and right outa blue starts demanding stuff like i have to sign home over to her and shes bringing someone up to clear n throw out as she demanded a room to stay in while works being done to sell it... now i ask bout me? she said if i have to i'll bring you home but im getting that house fixed up and will come up weekend..
I bout croaked right then n there.. SHOCK'd UNEXPECTED...

later i emailed saying no dont come, i need to seek legal help... and wrote a mutual friend to tell her not to come and yes id starting paying and this was such a shock!

now have someone looking into it and join to social services tomorrow for legal advice, but i am gonna need an atty
what a mess.. 

well more CRAP just when things got better..

well chit.. lady wants me sign house over to her, says will lease bk to me but i don't trust her… also demanded i clear a room so she can come n get heater installed and house fixed for sale… CHIT CHIT CHIT, peace sure didn't last long ... see told you long ago im cursed… just when i started paying her again im so upset

Legal advice needed, rights for low income/disabled?

Legal advice needed? ok need legal advice for calif? Im low income disabled, medical and own a home, which is financed private party.she just called and wants me to sign it over to her and make a room for her to come weekends so she can get a heater installed and stuff fixed, guess to sell it. been here 29 years... now what will i do? be in street? and shes bossing me? just when id gotten back up and on my way here i go again, can't win for losing.

Survival with a new attitude!

I see the "LIGHT" once again, a new phaze has started… Was able to find 2 decent people (again) to help, this time a whole different attitude and list of priorities!
Feels so good. Sales been worst since open over yr ago, BUT turns out i needed dslow time to deal with all thats happened last phaze and now to this. 

Had to finally give up and throw in the towel and accept whats put before me presently. Now turning out I can get some stuff outta here, and bless others at same time they helping me. some bartered, some pay … some free whatever, I just know it has all changed drastically so fast!
Been able to pay for needed help, roofs starting to get patched, stuff repaired, stuff outta house again… and priorities once again back to whats most important for my hopefully final stage of survival.

Never was good at delegating authority, rather do it myself, many can relate. well that held me back long enough, i needed to let go and let others do what i'm not able or just to take that burdon off me… sure doing better (esp mentally) last few days since this all came about!. unreal. attitude adjustment and what a pleasent shock. like i'm waking back up for the final phaze of peace and blessing others once again.
even pleased i was able to start paying some to a dear friend/lender who saved my home years back…

Day at a time, its a big start for me once again, but if all works out i can have more my home back to what needs be to for present activities..
get the shed roofed and get boxes outta garden room, sell whats my best stuff, give what they want, and trash rest that way i can have my garden room back, i can have room for my tools n crafts out there and then get my wherehouse more organized for all these sales.

Thinking a deal with the "Genius" to partner on others items needs to be sold, and let me do etsy, gardening n whatever. so theres where i learn to become a boss not a desporate person in need like i become.. NO MORE and those who know me KNOW once my brain kicks in the positive drive and creativity has no limits, I've achived the impossible many times and i WILL once again and perhaps just perhaps buy me some peace before times up.
Thnx ALL
lots more n updates coming, the good as well as the bad..

this "eccentric, eclectic, desert pack rats" gonna do her best once again to have peace and get this all flowing once again since i've been given a new attitude on life and whats most important on what times left. True meaning of "Let go and LET God"… well i do believe and i was messing it all up from my overloaded brain. lol
time will tell but here we go again, hope its my final journey….

had to hit rock bottom, now upwards once again, refreshed, new life, creative juices starting to flow once again, all different mind set... now need my health to improve from the 84#s i now weigh...

March BREAKTHRU...

well it got bad as you all know… and havent been doing well at all lately, so I now have found help, and by trading my pathfinder for labor I now hope to be able to get the leaks fixed, and some things fixed again, and see what happens.

clearing out some stuff agin, slowly and depends how i'm feeling, and today I got rid of 2 printers and and misc stuff, little by.

so glad Springs bout here cause i NEED get out in yard n garden! I NEED that healing from the son and nature, already have stuff started indoors to go out, and now I have my assistant and a guy working all misc jobs, so far so good and its been over week, he comes now n then cpl 2-4 hrs and cuts scrap wood, moves stuff for me, just misc needs and hes smart like me "Jack of all trades and he knows Puters n selling.. so may work out a deal together on stuff i can't sell on etsy.. say he could list and sell and id split… sounds fair to me…

then long as i have sales, i'm trying to get stuff done so not so much stress. 

Taxes still over my head, i got so stress this last time i'm now 80#s.. sucks.. but i'd bout given up and LOOK now.. had to hit bottom and also timing seems good for a NEW start and maybe this is a GIFT i'd been waiting for! I have paid it foward many times over thru life to point i felt cursed, maybe this will be my glory!

Day by Day ok.. wish i had a granny to cook for me lol, 

feeling pretty good all way round since yesterday, and think so much different now, + Can get stuff outta here now and he can sell misc now and then as turns up for labor, and working off truck so maybe … time will tell, as none ever worked out so far, but i am on borrowed time here and just perhaps i'm gonna have a good spree for a bit before the end..sell my vintage and dolls and collectables on etsy, rest can be used to barter, sell or ?

so who knows.

Just wanted to let you all know that I AM gonna give it all i got (aint much) but its a start again. Yes I do believe it maybe my gift from the LORD .. since i finally let it all go.

HE can know bless us all.

I sure have a change of attitude also and feels good to also be able to pay back and also bless others big time this last time around. 

cont' later