Wednesday, January 19, 2011

i'm not normal...



too broken inside to ever heal....



how many do you know that:

*grew up w/no family lovin them...
*ran away at 14 w/o goin to jail, gettin pregant, or drugged out...
*met a guy one night n married him the next... lookin for love
*could'nt ever have children due to physical abuse
*goes to dads funeral only to be told not allowed in
*searched for family only to find alls gone*bounced back not one, not 2 but 3 times after divorce, loosin all each time, to only have the system dig the final grave
*lost house not once , not twice, but 3 times! and fought till became owner again n again n again ...
*has been stalked not once but twice and became victim of a violent crime, loosin 6 mo life +
*was given the death sentence, waiting to die and got pissed, weaned off all meds n worked the next yr in construction...*has so much talant n creativity and starvin...
*has had a death, a divorce and a major quake all 1 yr apart
*tells it flat out and nobody can handle or deal w/truths
*have achieved great things to be in such a rut now
*the brain dont stop and drives all crazy
*lives as tho they are dying, n nobody understands why they aren't function'n as normal..
loss after loss, takes a toll on one's soul

I did NOT choose this...
I believe in God yes, I believe in RAPTURE yes! why? cause whether real or not after this life i dont ever wanna miss out on peace n happiness, this has been my hell down here most all my life...yes I've done n had n achieved great things but i'm broken into peaces and really I just wanna go HOME and have peace.. that is my ONLY escape my idea of friends n family is a lot dif from what most feel or think should be so will knever know that feeling of protection or someone always being there for me ...

I've have very little support along the path that got me here


this will continue.....

Monday, January 17, 2011

Today was a GREAT day!

friend went picked up my meds, and then we went to Home Depot and I bought a snake for the drain and a gal of lqd to put down them, treated him to a burger and home and he got it unclogged!! GREAT! OMG!
we went had a beer (i won 10 bucks!) and home, as he had things to do but TYJ!!!

Now I did 3 loads laundry, had a hot soak ... Calgon took me away! and now i get to sleep in a CLEAN bed w/clean clothes n body! OMG almost feelin a little bk to human again, least i smell better.

So was a good day for a change!
OH and I had 1665 VIEWS on my flickr page by tweeting, all time high! n was gone part of gay! tonight 100,000 since 7//9 so 1 1/2 yrs..
i avg 200 day but since twitter 4-5x's ++ NOW! omg
get to leave my mark after all perhaps.

Time will tell
i'll hide n watch
stay tuned.......